After living for more than a year in a country that is struggling for its very survival, it is easy to forget that life beyond the borders is now a completely other reality where people don’t share or understand of your experience. So, when you leave home and venture into the outside world, as I did recently, the realization of what your life has become, hits you like an ice-cold shower. The harsh, gray military reality we now live under is confined by Ukraine’s borders. 

Although deep down, of course, I knew that life in the countries around me must be continuing much as it always has. To see the peaceful life that was now all around me, compared with what I had left behind and the life I had before the war, now felt like ancient history or from someone else’s life. Outside of Ukraine, life now seemed artificial and the problems people faced were like those of children compared with ours. But, then, I realized that if it weren't for the invasion, we Ukrainians would be living lives just the same. 

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For me an even bigger shock was to come across Russians and to know that their lives remain unaffected, even though their country is at war too. They can travel with their husbands, are not limited to their own country, they can build their lives and conduct business abroad. It becomes obvious that in comparison to us in Ukraine that, apart from a few companies and brands leaving their home country, Russians live in peace in their country, their lives largely unaffected by the war.

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Putin said it had been deployed "in a non-nuclear hypersonic configuration" and said that the "test" had been successful and had hit its target.

In many ways, they remain victims of the tough regime in Russia and its propaganda. One of the things I just can’t understand is that, living in the West, they have access to a vast number of independent sources of information yet many, if not most, still rely on Russian sources of information which broadcast their support for Russian aggression against Ukraine. These citizens of the Russian Federation who abroad, still choose to support the brutal and bloody genocide of the Ukrainian people.

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It feels to me and other Ukrainians as if, during the Second World War, Germans traveled around the world waving banners in support of Hitler. 

During a week spent in Berlin, I came across large numbers of Russians; on the street, shopping in stores and boutiques, working in hotels and restaurants, etc. How can I be sure that they were Russian? As a Ukrainian it is easy for me to distinguish whether or not someone speaking Russian is, in fact, a Russian, a Ukrainian, or another nationality.  It is enough to hear only a couple of sentences to immediately understand who is in front of me.

Before the full-scale invasion, Russians proudly declared their country of origin when traveling. Now many are reluctant to do so, as if it's no longer as prestigious as it once was to be a Russian. I came across many who were claiming to be Ukrainian, especially when they found out I was, but as soon as they opened their mouths I knew the reality even though I didn't give a sign. I didn’t want to waste my time and energy engaging in an argument that would lead nowhere and would, just once again spoil my mood. 

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To be honest, I hadn't expected to experience such a range of emotions. I felt a mixture of anger, pain, hopelessness, and frustration at confronting the injustice of the world that the existence of these people represented. It made the thought of returning home, to the war even more difficult. The atmosphere in Ukraine feels like thousands of strings stretched out and charged with electricity. And then, as I stood on the Ukrainian-Polish border, preparing to I felt that was literally on the border between two realities. So, I took a deep breath and a step towards meeting up with the war once again.

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