It’s late on a Monday afternoon, a couple of days before Christmas, and the phone rings in the offices of Lifeline Ukraine. It becomes immediately apparent that this caller is at a moment of deep personal crisis, apparent because all of us in the office can hear the anguish coming through the phone. The caller is not just in floods of tears, the person is distraught. This is the story of the 738th call to Lifeline Ukraine since the service was launched on Oct. 14, 2019.
When the phone rings, everything else stops. This is our normal. We have no idea what is going to be the nature of the call, it could be anything. We receive many informational calls from people asking what kind of service we provide and to whom, most likely because they know someone who they think needs our help and they want to get the feel for who we are before recommending that their friend or family member pick up the phone and dial 7333. In the case of call 738, when Vasya answered with our standard opening, “Lifeline Ukraine, I’m listening to you,” it was clear that this was a real emergency. This was a life or death call. For the next 51 minutes, those of us in the call center were spellbound by Vasya’s calm and determined professionalism.
Lifeline Ukraine is a suicide prevention and emotional first aid support line. It is operational 24 hours a day, and 7 days per week. The team work shifts, taking on unsociable hours because that’s what is needed to operate in the space where we provide support. While some enjoy clocking off on a Friday evening and taking a relaxing weekend with family, the Crisis Line Consultants working in Lifeline Ukraine can be clocking on at 7 o’clock on a Sunday morning. They accept that this is part of the work we do, but none of them do this because it is a “job” (although they are paid professionals), they do this because of a desire to help others. That is the overriding motivation of the people who came together to form this team.
So that Lifeline Ukraine can help people to the same kind of standards as the world’s best, the foundation of our working practices was laid by ERAN, Israel’s national suicide prevention hotline for the last 50 years. The continuation of our preparation to handle any situation at any time came from April Naturale, a 30 year veteran of such services. As Vasya worked to guide caller 738 though their darkest hour, the training of both ERAN and April kicked in and he applied every relevant technique he had learned.
Vasya is a veteran of the war in Ukraine’s Donbas, as tough as nails. He has seen war and coped with situations that would stretch the capabilities of the very best of us. Lifeline Ukraine, first and foremost, was established to help address the problem of suicides in the veterans’ community, Vasya came on board to help his fellow veterans, but we don’t know who is going to call us at any time, and nor can we ask. At the outset of a call with a person who is suicidal, there is no space to ask about eligibility or status or anything else. This is a moment of intense personal crisis and our only priority is to help.
The opening minutes of call 738 were harrowing. Vasya listened, told the caller “I’m here with you” though from time to time he needed to hold the receiver away from his ear, such was the intensity of the desperation pouring out of it. It is standard practice for colleagues to involve themselves in difficult calls, and in this case Vasya was supported by Andrei and Maryna. Andrei too is a veteran, Maryna is a psychologist. As Vasya helped the caller get their breathing under control and tried to stabilize the situation, Andrei stood by in solidarity, Maryna wrote notes of advice and support and put them in front of Vasya.
Some of the key things to establish in situations like this is where the person is, and what kind of methods might be open to them to carry out their suicidal intent. The first is to understand what other support that person can call on, friends and family, and in that to remind them that they actually do have friends and family and that they are not alone in spite of the fact that this is probably their perception of their reality at this bleak moment. The latter part of this, understanding what might be the route a person would take towards ending their life, is a tool to begin bringing a logical foundation into the conversation, and through that to begin to lead a person with suicidal intent away from these darkest thoughts.
As the conversation unfolded the level of emotion was like a roller coaster, at times Vasya had to revert to breathing exercises, at times he was able to listen to the underlying issues that were causing these emotions. Using every part of the training he had received, Vasya directed the caller to write down some things, it is one thing to guide a person through a coping technique in real-time, it is another thing to leave that person with their own written record of what to do when the feelings start to build again.
By the end of the call, we had made a plan, a pact with the caller, that they would check back in with us the next day to let us know how they were feeling. This is now “we” because that call the next day would be handled by someone else, Lifeline Ukraine is a team.
The call ended with Vasya thanking that caller for picking up the phone and thanking them for their trust, and with the reassurance that they can call us again, as needed, because there is someone at Lifeline Ukraine to help at any time, day or night. The receiver went down, Vasya sat back and breathed a sigh of relief, rightly proud of what he had accomplished in the last 51 minutes of his life.
The holiday season is a tough time for many people, emotionally, especially those who find themselves without loved ones around them. This story is being told today to help build an understanding of this difficult reality. Our longer-term goal is to make suicide awareness and suicide prevention a topic of national discussion in Ukraine, for now, our immediate goal is to answer the next call with as much empathy and compassion as is necessary and to look at that call as a single matter of focus.
When a person is contemplating suicide they often believe that they are a burden and that the end of their life would be a release, for others, from the burden they mistakenly believe themselves to be. The truth is the opposite, people need to be reminded that they have loved ones, and they need to see that if they end their lives it would mean heartbreak and profound grief to those left behind. In that, they instinctively know they are loved.
The caller did call back the next day, life is still tough but the outlook is no longer bleak.
Paul Niland is the founder of Lifeline Ukraine, a project realized in partnership with the East Europe Foundation and made possible due to financial support from the British Embassy in Kyiv.
